tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73087071321042004032024-03-05T11:37:53.979-08:00The Stay-at-Home DocAnnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-11116547959701316242016-08-03T18:37:00.001-07:002016-08-03T18:37:23.035-07:00My recent Mighty postI wanted to share with you another article I wrote for The Mighty today. Here's the <a href="http://themighty.com/2016/08/apraxia-the-things-you-dont-see-in-a-picture-of-my-son/" target="_blank">link</a>. Please share or comment or whatever moves you.<br />
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I realize that the trials with my son have moved <i>me</i> to write a lot lately. There's also so much to say about my daughter and how she has fit into our family as well. I am working on a piece to share with you soon.<br />
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Stay Mighty!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwhBbTRLi2alCgETMeedhSBOr90lc3tCk0zmd2a9xgAYYUsg-ArL4OOwmHhRFA0ch9bcvULds4yjPL1KeX52aLULpD7t2dqEa5V84DYjlFeE8V5eFPtxRALQ_9kSJM9g68NoPREtNJZXM/s1600/Hawaii-Family-Photography_046.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwhBbTRLi2alCgETMeedhSBOr90lc3tCk0zmd2a9xgAYYUsg-ArL4OOwmHhRFA0ch9bcvULds4yjPL1KeX52aLULpD7t2dqEa5V84DYjlFeE8V5eFPtxRALQ_9kSJM9g68NoPREtNJZXM/s400/Hawaii-Family-Photography_046.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my kiddos</td></tr>
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<br />Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-90584412415106771392016-08-02T11:17:00.002-07:002016-08-02T12:11:18.062-07:00Another summer almost goneHello friends! I have not kept up with my blog lately and I'm still wondering why. I love to write. It makes me happy. So why not do it all the time?<br />
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Main reason for not blogging: parenting 4 and 7 year old kids. Filling my days with their <i>stuff</i>. Trying to keep them entertained, happy, challenged, bonded, exercised and well-fed. It really is exhausting!<br />
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And I find that when you are a SAHM, turned over from a working mom, those hours spent working are quickly filled with SAHM-stuff. I thought I would have SO much free time to work on a blog...but actual<i> free</i> time is few and far between. I am learning that I have to make specific time for my own hobbies and endeavors. So here I am!<br />
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I did want to share this <a href="http://themighty.com/2016/04/son-with-apraxia-only-wants-to-be-with-his-mom/" target="_blank">link</a> to a story I had published in April. I love The Mighty's website. It has a wonderful collection of stories about disability, disease and mental illness. This particular story is about life over the past year with a child who has had extreme mommy attachment, a challenge that has been difficult for the whole family.<br />
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This summer has been filled with some great camps, lots of therapies, lots of swimming, and a terrific trip to Maui in June. My heart is happy with a great collections of photos we had taken there. We are so fortunate to have found a great photography company-look them up if you ever get a chance.<br />
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<a href="http://www.bellaevaphotography.com/" target="_blank">BellaEva photography</a><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY4UUNO3g5-NTw1om2YG6rGcBUYKRX8Ns7O2KPFG0he_r_tIi3X84lIkYht1t_pjN149Ml8XiPH2p-epVOM-zzLvP5bRkaqf-9yp5HBaWuVwBKSJgCFxrdbbGmczCY06ev_YGshc97cFc/s1600/Hawaii-Family-Photography_038.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY4UUNO3g5-NTw1om2YG6rGcBUYKRX8Ns7O2KPFG0he_r_tIi3X84lIkYht1t_pjN149Ml8XiPH2p-epVOM-zzLvP5bRkaqf-9yp5HBaWuVwBKSJgCFxrdbbGmczCY06ev_YGshc97cFc/s320/Hawaii-Family-Photography_038.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our family</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9pfetkZyv8ql53YvJCDnsnmck-1VyRQvuDs8EfJwaBGWCr5YXwyq6BvQi7OnBikGbMevzbW3vUqsLDWMpxl7do_YvruOWWhRyGYEDYnLOz-c7pcGjwnqEiB8jlWIMJ1AK5-hytGhWL2M/s1600/Hawaii-Family-Photography_017.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9pfetkZyv8ql53YvJCDnsnmck-1VyRQvuDs8EfJwaBGWCr5YXwyq6BvQi7OnBikGbMevzbW3vUqsLDWMpxl7do_YvruOWWhRyGYEDYnLOz-c7pcGjwnqEiB8jlWIMJ1AK5-hytGhWL2M/s320/Hawaii-Family-Photography_017.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Siblings caught in a sweet moment :)</td></tr>
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Enjoy the last bits of summer! More to come...Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-27860661977379698322015-08-20T07:24:00.001-07:002016-08-02T11:36:39.203-07:00My article on The MightyHi friends! Here's a link to my featured article on The Mighty! I love this resource and community of people. Thanks for reading!<br />
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<a href="http://themighty.com/2015/08/when-a-little-girl-asked-why-my-son-cant-talk-like-her/" target="_blank">When a little girl asked why my son can't talk like her</a><br />
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<br />Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-6686329493010266162015-07-29T11:20:00.006-07:002015-07-29T11:21:50.680-07:00Summer updateWhile I was a working mom, I dreamt of what it would be like to be a SAHM, especially during the summers. I'm sure many working moms can identify with this. You can probably identify with the guilt I felt dropping them off at daycare, whether or not I had to work. Even working part-time, I had to pay for full-time daycare because of my irregular shift-work schedule. I felt especially guilty in the summers, thinking that we should be out having family adventures and lots of fun.<br />
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Well, now I'm a SAHM and I can tell you two things: it is both WONDERFUL and CHALLENGING. And I found something odd has happened. My mommy guilt has shifted<i>...</i>it used to be that I felt guilty about NOT being home<i>...and now I feel guilty that I'm not GOOD enough for them at home. </i><br />
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Does anyone else feel this way? Some days I feel like I did it right. I limited their screen time, got everyone some exercise, had some healthy food, did some art projects, practiced some speech with my son and reading with my daughter and gave each kid some individual attention, cleaned the house and did all the laundry. But, that certainly doesn't <b>all</b> happen <b>every</b> day. I have to moderate my guilt with the realization that I can't do it all.<br />
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But there have been some big benefits to staying home with my kids:<br />
I can design their activities however I want....and skip a swim lesson or dance class whenever we feel like it.<br />
I have the flexibility to just <i>be present</i> with my kids.<br />
We have the time to work on that Summer Wish List I wrote about before. (<a href="http://stayathomedoc.blogspot.com/2015/06/summers-here.html" target="_blank">here</a>)<br />
I am relaxed enough to have some spontaneity....like chasing a rainbow or visiting grandma's house or hunting for the perfect snow cone.<br />
I have time for the holidays/birthdays/BBQs/etc. that I used to miss when working.<br />
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The main challenges:<br />
Not having enough time to fill my own bucket. (I would love more time to myself, more time to exercise, and to find some kind of career outlet.)<br />
Dealing with sibling fighting.<br />
Balancing the right amount of activities with boredom (I feel like they need to sit with boredom in order to figure out how to self-soothe, use imagination, and get comfortable with down time.)<br />
Limiting screen time!<br />
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Overall, it's been a fun and active summer, but I think we are all ready for a regular school schedule.<br />
I hope you all enjoy the last few weeks of summer 2015!<br />
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<br />Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-30930164001666269792015-07-07T12:31:00.001-07:002015-07-07T12:37:51.340-07:00You matter<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was recently given an assignment in my fitness class. I was asked to write a love letter to myself. (Obviously this class is much more than just a fitness class!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was the prompt:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Dear Self,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are ____."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had to think about this for a few days. It was hard to know where to start! Writing a letter to myself felt very awkward, since I had never done it before.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once I got started, I wondered<i> how</i> to write it. Should it be funny? Serious? Detailed? Superficial? Deep? (Keeping in mind that I had to read this letter to other people.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a few drafts I figured out what felt best: honest, brief, serious.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have been pondering some questions since doing this exercise. Why was it so hard to speak kindly to myself? Why did it feel so awkward to be positive? Wouldn't I be kind, positive and encouraging to my friends? So why can't I be those things to myself?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why is it so easy to be negative?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why is our default self talk so negative?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Perhaps your inner self talk is naturally positive. How great! But do a simple Google search about negative self talk and you see plenty of results. I think many of us (mainly women) have some negative chatter in our head.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I read that this negative self talk can come from our childhood. Perhaps we were told we weren't good enough by a parent, teacher, or friend. I don't recall, personally, having this done to me. So where did it come from? I think we are all "pre-set" for a certain amount of anxiety. I would consider myself to be on the higher end of the anxiety scale. That anxiety and self-criticism usually serves as motivation to move forward, to make needed changes. But many times, the critic is just there, without any specific purpose. Why does the phrase "I'm so stupid" keep popping into my head, even though I know I am not stupid? Is it based on past failures? Fear of the future? Has it been ingrained because being self-deprecating is a "relatable" characteristic? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I guess I don't know for sure why the self-criticism is there. But since having to write that love letter, I want to make sure I reduce the criticism and boost the positivity. Here's a good article on some steps YOU can take to do the same. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/06/negative-self-talk-think-positive_n_3009832.html" target="_blank">Thinking positive</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not only do I want to help myself, but I want to do whatever I can to help my kids. Would I ever want them to think poorly of themselves, feel stupid, unnoticed, or unlovable? Another article on the Huff Post mentioned that we, as parents, <b>become our kids' inner voice</b>. That statement is<i> huge</i>. How I talk to my kids now, becomes their own inner voice for the <i>rest of their lives</i>. I can influence whether it is a positive one or a harsh one, simply by choosing my words carefully. It is such an important reminder to teach/show children kindness, resilience and determination. Link is <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lindsay-robin-christianson/programming-your-kids-inner-voice-conscious-living-101_b_7539746.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What would you include in your letter? Is it easy to write? Try to silence the inner critic with positivity and see what happens. Can you change that voice over time? I'll check back with you on this in a future post!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-1711785232038240942015-06-12T09:18:00.004-07:002015-06-12T09:25:06.340-07:00Summer's here!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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It's summer time! I enjoy the warmer days and sunny skies. I look forward to the big and little trips we have planned. (Using the term "vacation" is a stretch...I think a <i>real</i> vacation would be child-less...) I love watching the kids splash in the pool-they have such joy in the water! I enjoy lazy mornings without the usual 'rush-out-the-door-to-school' routine.<br />
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BUT the summer can be challenging for those of us with spirited/active/high-needs kids, or kids with sensory problems, or kids who just thrive on a regular schedule. Our family definitely falls into this category. This means some intense fun, but also, some intense anger and exhaustion. Perhaps you parents out there can sympathize here?<br />
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We all need a little un-structured time to rest our brains and bodies after a busy school year. There is no doubt of that. But I am working on finding <i>some</i> kind of structure to our days so we don't all drive each other bonkers. There will be an inevitable amount of craziness, boredom, exhaustion, fighting, screaming, etc. But I am trying not to dwell on these parts because of their inevitability. The one thing I can control (somewhat) is the schedule.<br />
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This is what I've come up with so far:<br />
<b>Swimming lessons</b>. My daughter is emerging in her swim skills and my son has zero skills (but loves the water). My 3-year-old has never had lessons before and so far, he is really engaged.<br />
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<b>Reading</b>. We have some trips to the library planned and read a little bit every day. I would rather spend money on books than toys that will just accumulate in our house and rarely get used!<br />
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<b>Exercise</b>. How important for little ones as well as adults! My daughter is enrolled in cheer and tumbling classes. We have been hiking around our house and riding bikes/scooters. I find that the kids usually complain if I say we are going outside for exercise, but they usually take to it as soon as we get started. Surprisingly, they enjoy a kids yoga dvd I found so we can do that on those hotter days to stay indoors.<br />
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<b>Art.</b> I bought supplies at our local arts and crafts store to do some kind of project each day. Stamps, finger paint, water colors, card-making, play doh, air-dry clay, chalkboards, mask design-just to name a few.<br />
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<b>Academics.</b> Kind of a funny term to use during the summer I guess! We have collected many puzzles, letter and number activities for my pre-schooler. I have to find ways to fit in speech and language development for him without making it seem like work! For my new 1st grader, we are going to work on math skills (in a fun way), word games (bananagrams or scrabble anyone?), and keeping a journal of our summer activities.<br />
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To top it all off, we have a <u><b>Summer Wish List</b></u>. It is a collective list that the whole family adds to. <br />
Here are some things on our list:<br />
Make an ice cream sundae bar<br />
Watch a movie outdoors<br />
Paint pottery<br />
Try ice-skating<br />
Rent a boat on the lake<br />
Watch fireworks<br />
Make lots of s'mores<br />
Go to a water park<br />
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Do you have a summer wish list? It's fun to keep a running list of things the family wants to do. My daughter suggested we write down each idea on a small piece of paper and put them all in a jar. Then, one day we pull out an idea and it's our surprise activity for the day. I am not certain if I can deal with that kind of spontaneity but I will work on it!<br />
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On a final note: we are returning to one of our favorite spots later this summer (San Diego) and can't wait! Here are some pics from a few years ago.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt1km3lxUtKl07REB8fkPJhP4-Mt8Ce3X-_iZy5VJ-mEosNGjBZq-Jd0fHBDYMTmNZdrAZ0s2p1Sds-0kDS3cmkIiUDl4akj_ja-YBHia6R1q2sYZUnNpWFU6bRmHH3wS-CPFQVMlAmFU/s1600/IMG_1763.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt1km3lxUtKl07REB8fkPJhP4-Mt8Ce3X-_iZy5VJ-mEosNGjBZq-Jd0fHBDYMTmNZdrAZ0s2p1Sds-0kDS3cmkIiUDl4akj_ja-YBHia6R1q2sYZUnNpWFU6bRmHH3wS-CPFQVMlAmFU/s320/IMG_1763.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ben (10 months) on the beach with grandma</td></tr>
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<br />Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-83750225145545037282015-05-14T11:50:00.000-07:002015-05-14T11:52:38.952-07:00Words matter <br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a mother, you feel a sense of loss when your child has developmental delays. You lose out on the normalcy of a typical childhood. You feel lost because your kid doesn’t fall into the normal developmental timeline. You don’t know when or if your child will reach his milestones. You feel like you are working harder than most parents with normal kids in a developmental tug-of-war. </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You aren’t just guiding them over their hurdles, you are dragging them, kicking and screaming.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not only is it hard on you, it is also hard on them because they know they are different. There are daily reminders of how you and your family are different from everyone else. There is a nagging sense of loss, no matter how you spin it.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What I recently realized is that my daughter has felt this loss too. She has shared in the same loss and pain I have felt because we know that Ben is different and sometimes, very, very difficult. Emily is a typically developing (and sometimes precocious) kindergartener who loves her little 3-year-old brother. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But she knows he isn’t like most kids. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There must be a disconnect in her brain saying, “Ben is nearly my size, but he can’t talk like me. What is wrong here?” I have caught her musing about what Ben’s voice will sound like and what he will say to her someday. Sometimes she asks me for a normal sibling that she can talk to. (Ouch.) She will ask him if he can say X, Y, or Z and is usually met with a blank stare, like he didn’t hear her. But he DID hear her and he DID understand. He has difficulty speaking because of his <b>verbal apraxia</b>. Ben desperately wants to talk, and he understands most of what is said around him, but he has trouble getting the words out due to this stubborn speech disorder.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ben is 3.5 years old and still can’t say his own name. He calls himself “Bee.” He only recently started saying the word “me.” I wondered if maybe he could call his sister “Mimi” as a starting point. We have been working on getting this word out of him for a few months. Just this month he has been spontaneously and accurately referring to her as Mimi. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7HmQsaLrJo_nGf6czwUozDxeFZdSjuPhSyMXBJgYvHVsU6wCsWJrxAxxqdjWu6EeXnJtxMzRiubEn0PJqYmUdIpxUoMGXO67b0SJEwJSATvp1pP6mMrQPicyTz6HDw6khtJ97HYYUO9Q/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7HmQsaLrJo_nGf6czwUozDxeFZdSjuPhSyMXBJgYvHVsU6wCsWJrxAxxqdjWu6EeXnJtxMzRiubEn0PJqYmUdIpxUoMGXO67b0SJEwJSATvp1pP6mMrQPicyTz6HDw6khtJ97HYYUO9Q/s400/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">You would not </span>believe<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> how glorious this one word is!</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><br /></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">When he first started calling her Mimi, she would whip her head around to see if anyone else witnessed this remarkable voice coming from her brother’s mouth. “MOM! BEN SAID MIMI!!” She often turns to him and says, “Awwwwww, you said my name.” She has been waiting so long for affirmation of her brother’s desire to play with her and be with her and, simply, </span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">to just say her name</i><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">. She has been patiently waiting over three years and it is amazing how important just saying a name can be. Seeing her pure delight in a simple word made me realize that she has felt loss, too. If I didn’t realize it before, I realize it now: words matter.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Words <i>really</i> matter. You might not understand this until you witness how hard it is for some kids to develop their words. I have witnessed countless speech therapy sessions where I see the painful struggle on Ben’s face as he tries to form a word, groping for the right sound. I have had to fight back tears when I watch him concentrate SO hard, scanning his memory for the right motor plan to say “up” or “out” or “yes,” but all he can get out is “hum.” Each day is a battle to push him beyond his comfort level and get some words out, but not to push so hard as to cause frustration or low self-esteem. Without the push, it just won’t get done. Apraxia doesn’t just resolve on its own. It is time-intensive, slow and agonizing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Despite the loss our family feels on behalf of this apraxia problem, we have taken some good things from it. Like I said before, words really matter. It is a reminder to use kind words and to be supportive and uplifting to others, especially to children. I feel a loss, yes, that my child is different. But I also recognize what a wonderfully bright kid Ben is and see how he has the strength to overcome many adversities in life. He has tenacity because even though he throws tantrums in speech therapy, </span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">he doesn’t quit</i><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. In addition, my daughter has grown into such a caring and compassionate person. She stands up for her brother when her friends ignore him or make fun of him. She always chooses him, despite all her frustrated moments with him. And now that he can say her name, well, I am thinking this will be a strong partnership for life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May 14 is Apraxia Awareness Day-check out <a href="http://apraxia-kids.org/">apraxia-kids.org</a><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">:</span></span></div>
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Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-51316549517763212202015-04-21T09:03:00.000-07:002015-04-21T09:04:59.850-07:00Time goes by so...so...slow...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-b7c5d494-ef5f-4038-f9eb-a7e04f25ab4b"></b></span><br />
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-b7c5d494-ef5f-4038-f9eb-a7e04f25ab4b"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Time goes by so fast. Enjoy it while it lasts</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">!"</span></span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-b7c5d494-ef5f-4038-f9eb-a7e04f25ab4b"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My heart hurts a little whenever I hear these words because I feel differently. As a parent, time moves so </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">slowly to me</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. I must be the only person on the planet who feels this way, based on the number of times I have heard the above-mentioned platitude. </span></span></b></div>
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<b id="docs-internal-guid-b7c5d494-ef5f-4038-f9eb-a7e04f25ab4b"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why does time move so slowly? Because my 3-year-old son has developmental delays. </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i>wait</i></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to see the next milestone. </span></b></span><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-b7c5d494-ef5f-4038-f9eb-a7e04f25ab4b" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ben's first hurdles were medical. He had surgeries and hospitalizations, countless doctors appointments, out-of-state consultations, medications, special formula. As these issues leveled out, we started observing more developmental concerns and had our state's early intervention program help us. Ben has come a long way with public and private therapy programs. He persists with sensory processing problems and speech and motor delays.</span><br />
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Ben's most pressing issue now is called "childhood apraxia of speech," or apraxia. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>It is like having a 1-year-old trapped in a (big) 3-year-old's body.</i> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He can't get his words out, despite knowing much of what is said to and around him. He has a neurological speech disorder. There is a disconnect in signals between the brain and the motor movements of the mouth. Ben is not stubborn or lazy or "just a boy" or "letting his sister talk for him," like many people like to advise me. This is <b>not</b> something just outgrown with time.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Apraxia is a conundrum. First of all, it is a diagnosis that a lot of speech therapists and doctors cannot easily diagnose because it does not have a universally accepted definition. Secondly, we don't know what causes apraxia. Finally, and most disappointingly, there is no standard, successful therapy for it.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you aren't a speech therapist, you probably haven't heard of apraxia. I certainly hadn't, despite my medical training. It has been an interesting, grueling, maddening road at times. For the past 2 years, Ben has only gained a few new words <b>each year</b>. I think you can see why time has been extremely slow here. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We made a difficult choice recently to start over with a new speech therapist and to increase therapy to 3 days per week. These sessions are often very hard for Ben and result in screaming and tears. He uses picture communication cards and a dedicated speech Ipad. We also have Ben enrolled in the school district's special education program, where he gets speech therapy as well as physical and occupational therapies. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Living with apraxia is very difficult and a constant battle for me to keep pushing Ben beyond his comfort level in order to get progress. But not pushing TOO hard so as to create frustration and low self esteem. Life is obviously difficult for Ben, who just wants to communicate and play like every other kid. Having an apraxic brother is hard on big sis, who just wants to play with a normal kid. I am Ben's interpreter and the kids' referee. I am the 'mender of fences' and keep things as peaceful as possible. It is exhausting on a whole new level-even more so than residency call nights and ER night shifts! Probably because it is an unrelenting stress, with no days off.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope to be able to report more progress in the upcoming months...we are already starting to see some improving verbal skills as a result of our new therapist and ongoing commitment to his development. But I wanted to share about apraxia and spread the words about speech and language delays!</span><br />
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Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-10312250870980514802015-03-22T20:12:00.001-07:002015-03-27T15:30:49.145-07:00About that picture....<div style="text-align: left;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Lato, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">This photo has been moving around the internet quickly. Apparently it is an emergency room doctor in Southern California, taking a moment to grieve after losing a young patient. The public has really taken an interest in this, highlighting the difficult job of emergency room doctors, EMTs and nurses who deal with this kind of heartbreak everyday. (Maybe every other day. Maybe a few times per month. Just depends.)</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Lato, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">A picture says a thousand words...and this one says it all.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Lato, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">I know what this doctor is feeling here because I have been there too. I remember those tearful moments in bathrooms, call rooms, empty ambulance bays, and at home. You don't get the time or luxury to properly grieve and talk about your feelings. Nobody talks about this. It is just assumed with the job. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Lato, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">You don't have the <b>time</b> to deal with it because you must return to a busy ER, filled to capacity with needy patients, and a large staff you must lead until the end of your shift. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Lato, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Lato, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">You don't have the<b> luxury</b> to grieve because usually your thoughts after a death are, "I have so much paperwork to do." "I have to tell the family." "Did I make a mistake?" "Did I document my actions and reasoning well enough so I don't get sued?" </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Lato, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">And so over time, you have to find coping mechanisms to get you from day-to-day. There is a desensitization that occurs when you see horrific things, over and over and over again. You become cynical and flippant. You throw your empathy overboard because it is extra weight on a sinking ship that must keep floating until the end of your shift....and until the end of your career. Death becomes commonplace.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Lato, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">Are doctors provided any kind of tools to deal with death? Courses, seminars or counseling? Not really. It is an on the job adaptation. I've seen a lot of after hour adaptations as well. Alcohol, substance abuse, risky behavior, etc. I've read about the rates of physician suicide in the US (400 physicians per year) and realize that our coping mechanisms just aren't good enough. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Lato, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">I am glad this doctor took a time-out. I re-posted the picture because the subject is anonymous and it is done at a respectful distance. I hope it gives people some perspective about what ER staff have to deal with. I also hope doctors see it and remember that grieving is normal and necessary. </span></span>Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-84923063783686620712015-02-17T08:24:00.000-08:002015-02-17T08:28:44.054-08:00SOMEDAY I'll be happy...People ask me why I quit medicine. The short answer is, "I wasn't happy." Here is the longer answer:<br />
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No one is "happy" during residency. It is the most challenging (and perhaps demoralizing) time during a physician's training. The hours are long and the work is intense. You <i>know</i> it will be difficult but you also know that it will be over in a few years. I told myself I would happy <i>after</i> residency and would just have to stick with it. But a nagging voice in my head told me it wasn't just a tough residency that made me unhappy. Perhaps I chose the wrong program or wrong specialty. Maybe I should have taken time off. I still am not sure where exactly things went wrong.<br />
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I often think about the characteristics that help physicians get through so much school, through residency, and beyond. One of the key characteristics physicians have is the ability to <b>delay gratification</b>. We put so much time into our education because we know (think) it will be worth it in the end. We delay marriage, kids, and life in general so we can get through it. We also delay happiness, which can be very harmful and establish maladaptive living patterns.<br />
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<i>And if we are so good at delaying happiness, will it actually ever set-in and happen? Or do we get so good at putting it off, that it remains elusive?</i><br />
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I saw my chance at happiness crumbling as I tearfully handed over my new baby to grandma so I could work a week of night shifts. I saw it crumbling when I missed out on those early milestones. I saw it crumbling as I heard those tears of protest as I left the door for work again...and again. It's the saga that many working moms understand. But it affected me deeply. I was supposed to be happy with this bundle of joy (that I desperately wanted) but I felt like I was even <i>farther</i> from my happiness goal. The puzzle pieces just weren't fitting. Even after residency was over, I knew I was out of place but wasn't sure where I was supposed to be.<br />
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When you get used to putting off your happiness, and delaying gratification, I think it sets up a neural network that is HARD to reverse. By the age of 30, I was used to putting in a lot of work in the present in order to get payouts later. I didn't live in the moment. In fact, living in the moment is still a very difficult concept for my brain. I kept thinking that "someday" we would be happy. "Someday" we would go on vacations. "Someday" I could write. "Someday" I would take care of myself. "Someday" I would enjoy my kids. "Someday" I would have less stress.<br />
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But when you keep postponing until someday, it might never happen. I was so glad I had my daughter when I did and realized I needed to move in a new direction. It took a few years after residency, but I was fed up with thinking and planning for someday and never enjoying the journey. I was tired of asking, "how many miserable years do I have to put in to get some good years out?" Quitting clinical medicine was my eventual answer, made very clear after having a second child whose medical and special needs continue to overwhelm me. My career remains on the back-burner and I want to find a way to use my medical knowledge to help people. But my family needs me now, and I need them.<br />
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<br />Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-75468528076371563942015-02-06T13:57:00.001-08:002015-02-17T08:09:11.912-08:00My Article on The Mighty BlogHere's a link to my latest article published on THEMIGHTY.COM. Enjoy!<br />
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<a href="http://themighty.com/2015/02/to-the-kidney-doctor-who-helped-me-cope-with-my-sons-uncertain-future/">http://themighty.com/2015/02/to-the-kidney-doctor-who-helped-me-cope-with-my-sons-uncertain-future/</a><br />
<br />Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-37844065967167170212015-01-15T12:21:00.002-08:002015-02-17T08:30:24.635-08:00How medicine has changed meI wanted to share a post I wrote in Dec 2013-the forum wanted to know how medicine and medical training changed the mothers in medicine group, for better or worse. Here's it is: <a href="http://www.mothersinmedicine.com/2013/12/guest-post-how-has-medicine-changed-me.html">Mothers in Medicine Blog link</a><br />
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<u>How Medicine Has Changed Me</u><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">Since the age of 22 I have been entrenched in medicine-went right from college to medical school and residency. The formative years of my 20s have been busy dissecting bodies, studying dense medical textbooks, giving case presentations, rounding, taking call, eating bad cafeteria food, searching Up To Date, and learning how to adapt to different classes/teams/attendings/colleagues every month. I also took A LOT of tests. Looking back now 4 years post-residency, I am simply not sure how I did it!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">Medicine has changed me in ways that could be viewed as “good” and “bad.” Medicine has given me more empathy; it has showed me the importance of compassion and hope; it has made me a better listener; it has given me confidence and the strength to be vocal; it has given me a career to be proud of. Medicine has also given me my husband! (We met, married, and couples matched in medical school.) It has shown me the value of wonderful friends and family, which many people do not have. It is a privilege to help people in their times of need and share intimate details of their lives. I trained in emergency medicine and have a valuable breadth of medical knowledge from excellent training. The knowledge helps me daily both on the job and off.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">On the flip side, medicine has changed me in some negative ways. I am more judgmental-there is a need for quick (instantaneous) decisions when talking to a patient in the ER. I am cynical-while practicing medicine is considered a privilege, it is also a burden, and we usually see people at their worst. I take frustration out on my family because I know they will always be there (I hope). Medicine has been consuming and I have missed out on a lot of experiences….like family birthdays, funerals, weddings, parties, leisure, travel, holidays, and such. These missed experiences have caused me to be resentful and bitter at times.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">I am not sure about you, but I feel like one of the most important things medicine has done is make me a better mom! I have 2 young kids and am grateful everyday for my medical knowledge. I know how to observe, study and treat my kids. I also know where to look for the answers I need for them. This medical knowledge helped immeasurably with my son’s near-death from kidney failure when he was 2 weeks old and all the subsequent care he has needed. Some mommy physicians complain that they “just know too much”....but I would never trade in that knowledge for ignorance.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">No field or career can only have positive impacts on a person, and overall, I am proud and grateful to be a physician. Being a ‘mommy’ physician is an even bigger badge of honor in my mind. There have been a lot of challenges/walls/ceilings to break through….and a huge inner struggle to conquer the mommy guilt and “just keep swimming….” (Thanks, Dory.) Time out of training has brought more clarity with this issue and the compromises needed to make work and life, work. I wish all of you luck with making medicine work, as well.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">The End</span><br />
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<br />Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-8879608811911984382015-01-08T13:58:00.000-08:002015-01-08T13:59:14.182-08:00The MAGICAL formula for SLEEP is...For those of you who read one of my last posts about sleepless nights, I mentioned that I found the magical solution to my 3 year old's sleep problems. It has been magical indeed.<br />
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He has been sleeping through the night AND falling asleep on his own for about 6 weeks now. He has never done this before! You might be wondering, WHAT have you been doing these past 3 years??? Most people get their babies to sleep between 6-12 months old, it seems. I have tried:<br />
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<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The obvious stuff, with consistent routine, cry-it-out straight up and cry-it-out from a distance, sleeping near, with, on, over, and around him</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Black out shades</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">External window shades for cooling</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bedtime music cd (clinically proven to induce sleep)</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Cooling or heating fan, humidifier if ill, white noise
air purifier nightly</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Various visual sleep clocks</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Various sized beds-crib, twin, and now, full size bed</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Soft, cool sheets</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Room is sensory sensitive, no toys, only stuffed
animals and books, minimal plain décor without stimulating patterns</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Light lavender scent on pillow</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PJs without tags, soft</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gets more serious and pricey here:</span></div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Several types/sizes of weighted blankets</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Occupational therapy techniques of joint compressions and brushing</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Chiropractic treatment</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In-home sleep consultant x2-Sleep Sense program (interesting stuff, check it out if you are having problems)</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Surgery = ear tubes</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Developmental pediatrician evaluation</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Medications: tylenol, melatonin, reflux medication, benadryl, homeopathic options and finally a prescription sleep aid</span></li>
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<!--EndFragment-->We were about to sign up for another surgery (tonsil removal for possible sleep apnea), but then we tried a method a sleep medicine physician suggested. How he knew this would work-I will never know.<br />
<br />
<i>He gave me a prescription to go away for a week and let someone else take care of Ben's bedtime routine and evening wake-ups. </i><br />
<br />
I thought I was dreaming (since sleep-walking and daydreaming were a normal thing) when he said I HAD to be out of the picture. That would be amazing, right? Somehow he knew that Ben needed to separate from me and rely on his own self-soothing to get to sleep.<br />
<br />
He gave me a list of rules that included I disappear when the bedtime routine begins. Some other loving caregiver must get him ready for bed, have a meticulous routine, and put him to bed at night while he is still awake. That person had to leave the room so he could learn to fall asleep on his own. If he got up, that person was to be a "robot" and say "back to bed, night night, I love you, " and walk him back to his room.<br />
<br />
Now I swore I had tried this before, sometime during the previous 2,000+ nights before. But I was MOM. And he was relentless and knew how to wear me down, so it just didn't work.<br />
<br />
But we paid our babysitter to help for a few nights with this new routine and wouldn't you know...it actually worked! And it has worked ever since.<br />
<br />
I can now put him to bed without a fuss. But sometimes he tries to trick me and he pats the bed near him as if to say, "sleep here tonight?" I kiss his cheek, tell him I can't, and he looks away in the distance like he's thinking, "I know, but I just had to try this once." It really has been life-changing for me. As you saw in that prior post, lack of sleep was really affecting me on many levels.<br />
<br />
Sleep is SO important-for kids and adults alike. Many illnesses have been linked to improper amount of sleep, like obesity and heart disease. It is important to build good sleep habits as children and I HOPE/PRAY that our streak continues. I think this specific routine worked specifically at my son's age for a few reasons-he was emotionally ready, physically ready (not having so much thirst at night), and mentally ready (knew that mom would still be there in the morning).<br />
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<a href="http://l.yimg.com/fz/api/res/1.2/4t18DErrCCS14PDAMwWhnA--/YXBwaWQ9c3JjaGRkO2g9NTQ2O3E9OTU7dz01MTA-/https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHvJCtmEHSjRGudbjSSc8vA4KloVUpyUcvKVYWvk6ydt18uIG1_Kv74-BahGJJytBYFkQzpvrVjBYdBpd_Ji8eQdaS2pD_tWfTaPdIHF9B6xoV5cZC00SdKrzI6hPg5PJIBLbDdVA8iro/s1600/KT-Mickey-Mouse-Bedtime.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://l.yimg.com/fz/api/res/1.2/4t18DErrCCS14PDAMwWhnA--/YXBwaWQ9c3JjaGRkO2g9NTQ2O3E9OTU7dz01MTA-/https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHvJCtmEHSjRGudbjSSc8vA4KloVUpyUcvKVYWvk6ydt18uIG1_Kv74-BahGJJytBYFkQzpvrVjBYdBpd_Ji8eQdaS2pD_tWfTaPdIHF9B6xoV5cZC00SdKrzI6hPg5PJIBLbDdVA8iro/s1600/KT-Mickey-Mouse-Bedtime.jpg" height="320" width="298" /></a></div>
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Preserving my family's sleep time will always be a #1 priority in my house. To keep us all at our best, ready to learn, and ready to tackle daily stress. My kids will know that being really tired or 'staying up all night' is not a badge of honor! Their bedtimes will be changed accordingly if I hear this...<br />
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<br />Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-17219047549115396462015-01-04T20:43:00.001-08:002016-08-02T11:49:51.005-07:002015 Mantra<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What does it mean when people wish you an “awesome,”
“amazing,” or “magical” New Year? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Does it mean that we hope the New Year will be without
turmoil? That it will somehow be suddenly <i>different</i> than all our other years?
That it will be free from trauma and drama? (BTW, I call my 3 year-old son
‘trauma’ and my 6-year old daughter ‘drama’, for obvious age-related reasons.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Having now experienced 35 new years, my wishes and resolutions
are different than they used to be. Perhaps with youth, we wish for the magic
of a new year’s clean slate. But as we get older, we are settling into our
slate’s etchings. Our past experiences make us who we are and a ‘clean slate’
is an idealistic notion. As we look back, we have so much to gain from a
slate that is full of experience, perspective, wisdom, and resiliency. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I don’t hope for a turmoil-free year. Turmoil is a part of life. What makes us special is how we emerge out of it.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjftNlvMTe-IwYyTIOFmFP1PKPnia-piI6QDFXcXbQ2B4qfMyJOup0RlGt0BB-2SqoxspZdSqvwzVy4zLABCAlQW5tOaSMQkmA4-SVZk2MkAFppAdMzcwJ1scmgtAlB4LZ1mf10Ubp1PgY/s1600/IMG_0023.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjftNlvMTe-IwYyTIOFmFP1PKPnia-piI6QDFXcXbQ2B4qfMyJOup0RlGt0BB-2SqoxspZdSqvwzVy4zLABCAlQW5tOaSMQkmA4-SVZk2MkAFppAdMzcwJ1scmgtAlB4LZ1mf10Ubp1PgY/s320/IMG_0023.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I keep reading about how "resolutions" don't usually hold up-we lose sight of them within weeks or months into the new year. This is probably because they are too big or too drastic or too unreasonable. Like at the gym, for example, I can never find a parking spot in January but things are back to normal by February. Instead of making big declarations of unrealistic changes we will make, maybe we should create a mantra to live by-something(s) you really want to embody in the new year. An embodiment of meaningful thoughts or actions that you can do while just sitting on the couch. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My new year's mantra is this:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I want to
live more in the present and not dwell on the future or the past.</i> (I have spent a lot of time anticipating the future and in turn, have probably missed out on a lot of joy "in the moment.")</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I want to
recognize joy when I see/feel it and revel in it a few seconds longer than
before. </i>(Indulgent, perhaps, but I want to hang on a little longer.)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I want to see my kids grow and enjoy not only their major milestones,
but also all the little steps along the way.</i> (Noticing the little steps usually doesn't come with any fanfare, but our kids lives are made up of hundreds of little steps, and relatively few Big ones.) </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I want to really be present for those little kisses, hugs, and smiles.</i> (I know they won't be there forever.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Perhaps these are idealistic as well, but they are notions that I want to be more aware of. I have posted them as a reminder to slow down and take notice. There are already "awesome," "amazing," and "magical" moments taking place every day, if we take the time to notice them.</span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I wish you a RESILIENT new year with many JOYFUL moments
every day!</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-68719630332221685342014-12-30T09:19:00.000-08:002014-12-30T17:03:19.140-08:00Chronicles of a Sleepless Mama<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is a glimpse into my 3 years of sleep deprivation, due
to a disorder known as “sleepless baby syndrome.” It's been a rough few years- my son has had a very hard time sleeping through the night due to constellation of reasons I won't get into right now. Perhaps they are "excuses" not reasons? In any case, here you go...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2201/2469359261_54f3619692.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2201/2469359261_54f3619692.jpg" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During the first 6 months:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you think</b>:
This is totally normal, right? All the other mommies talk about their fatigue
too so we must be on the right track. Just give it some time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you feel</b>: A
mixture of exhaustion, joy, and love. You love this bundle with your whole
heart figure that sleep will come eventually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everyone keeps telling you it will work out and you believe them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you do</b>: You
kindly take in advice from others and try techniques to help baby sleep. You
have hope that those swaddling
and shushing methods actually work.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you look like</b>:
A proud mama, with the sleepless badge of honor. Hair in a ponytail, rocking
the yoga pants because you are tired with a baby, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">of course</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At 12 months:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you think</b>:
Wow, nighttime is really hard. I didn’t think it was supposed to be this hard.
Every other baby seems to be sleeping well at this point. Maybe I’m doing
something wrong. Maybe I have the wrong color night-light or the sheets are too
scratchy? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you feel</b>:
Tired, but probably within the normal limits for a mom of a 1-year old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, you are caring for your family and it is hard work. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you do</b>: You
start investigating baby sleep a little bit more and realize you need a
temperature monitor in the baby’s room and maybe some
room-darkening shades. You get a night-light with a red hue because that’s
shown to help. You double-check your white noise machine since we know if it’s
TOO loud, it can hurt baby’s sleep. You rub baby down in lavender oil because,
why not? You play music that is clinically shown to induce sleep. You know a routine is important and have it posted on baby’s door for all to see. You know
this HAS to work.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you look like</b>: Not quite
put-together. A little behind the rest of the mommy crowd, most of whom can
manage to shower and get dressed these days. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.whyworldwhy.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/funny-sleep-depriver-shirt-bodysuit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.whyworldwhy.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/funny-sleep-depriver-shirt-bodysuit.jpg" height="264" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">At 18 months:</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you think</b>:
Maybe I just have a stubborn baby. I have tried everything. Everyone tells me I
need a good nighttime routine and I want to punch them in the mouth. I KNOW, OK!
It’s posted on the door! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you feel</b>:
Exhausted. Resentful. You hate other moms not for their beauty, but because
they are sleeping a LOT more than you. You regret your husband putting you in
this position in the first place. You aren’t sure how he can keep going, but
you are spiraling out of control. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you do</b>: You
seek out doctors’ opinions and start looking into more extensive sleep programs. You pay people to help you at night. Even if you DO get a
decent stretch of sleep time, it is impossible to sleep because of your anxiety
about NOT sleeping. You are just waiting for baby to wake up. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you look like</b>:
It’s starting to really show now, the bags under the eyes and a slight grayish tint to the skin. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">At 2 years:</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you think</b>:
None of my friends have this problem. All the babies in the world are sleeping
except mine. The universe hates me. I might as well get some work done instead
of lay down because I will be up again in an hour or two anyway. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you feel</b>:
You dread the nighttime. Most days, it is hard to put one foot in front of the
other. Your shoulders are heavy. Your body hurts all the time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you do</b>: You
want to give up. Motor skills are altered, slower. You know you should get outside and wear the
kids out so they sleep bett….oh wait, that doesn’t work. You want to exercise
to feel better, but can’t muster the energy. You look to take any pain reliever
or sleep aid because you have run out of inner coping skills. You consider
counseling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you look like</b>:
Now you look pale <b>and</b> grey from the sleep deprivation and stress. You try to hide it, but usually don’t make it past the concealer. Nothing fits
because you can’t exercise so you buy cheap, ill-fitted clothes for the time
being.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">At 3 years:</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you think</b>: I
really can’t take this anymore. Friends, family and doctors don’t even try to help anymore because this is hopeless. I have a cranky kid who doesn’t nap and keeps waking up all night. There is no way I
am having any other children. This is ridiculous. I guess I have to hang in
there until he’s 18 and then kick him out so I can recover, if I live that
long. (Really, it gets <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i> bad.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you feel:</b>
The word exhausted doesn’t even cover it. It’s really hard to smile with any
bit of authenticity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you do</b>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You seek out new doctors. Consider getting
your baby (now in preschool) a sleep study or having his tonsils out.
Maybe that will help, right? You pay a lot to have other people watch your kid.
You get counseling. You stay up all night on the Internet, oh, and soothe your
kid back to sleep every other hour. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What you look like</b>:
In a word, ragged. In a list of synonyms: frazzled, fragmented, shoddy, broken,
dilapidated, frayed and rough.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rustydoodle.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/zombie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://rustydoodle.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/zombie.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will stop at the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">3 year</span> mark, and notice, how large the font is at <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">3 years</span>. Because it is <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">RIDICULOUS</span>. I wonder if any of you can relate to my condition. If so, please comment and I will send you personal condolences. The only comfort I can give my fellow zombie moms is that I FINALLY found the magic formula for my son's sleep. OR, he was just finally ready for it. OR, it was just pure luck. I'm not really sure. But things are getting better right now and I am embarking on a healing journey to restore sanity to my brain, rest to my muscles, and love back into my heart. True sleep deprivation is an awful feeling and has all sorts of horrible medical consequences that maybe we will explore later. I will also share the advice I got from my child's sleep specialist in an upcoming post...IF it continues to work, that is!<br />
<br />
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! I WISH YOU LOTS OF GOOD SLEEP!<br />
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-74214421405801845432014-12-09T15:57:00.002-08:002014-12-30T17:06:00.217-08:00A Letter to My Son's Doctor: A Real Life Superhero!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ZlAPYr_DznmlRjyJhvBveg0vdhd-v4Yw1ZG1wneOJMmSagS3nzStROJpbognQw0y7IC6BPSBYCpi_fntGdZgdk4T2JJEUlPRkX5w17y4Qcm49EgFs2lIWf4RlkOqYiIwyXhW3pWyMkcs/s1600/Superman-Logo_001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ZlAPYr_DznmlRjyJhvBveg0vdhd-v4Yw1ZG1wneOJMmSagS3nzStROJpbognQw0y7IC6BPSBYCpi_fntGdZgdk4T2JJEUlPRkX5w17y4Qcm49EgFs2lIWf4RlkOqYiIwyXhW3pWyMkcs/s1600/Superman-Logo_001.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Dr. C: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to sincerely express my thanks for helping my son 3
years ago. I can’t remember if I have thanked you since then and want to remind
you how highly regarded you are in our family.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was a Tuesday afternoon in September 2011 and you just
happened to see our family in a hospital room on the pediatrics floor. You
didn’t know my son or me but you recognized my husband, a fellow pediatrician. You
were probably on your way to your usual spot in the intensive care unit but
something made you stop. You must have thought things didn’t add up. You saw my
husband, looking worn and worried, with an equally worn and worried wife at the
bedside of a little 3-week old baby, together with a silent and scared grandma
in the wings. There was a flurry of activity with nurses and doctors and
technicians and alarms and phone calls and talking and crying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You saved my son’s life by peeking your head
in our room at that exact moment. It must have been a split second decision,
but one that I am so grateful for.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t remember many details about my son’s first weeks of
life, like most mothers, it is usually a blur. But I remember the moment so
clearly, when you walked in and greeted my husband. I saw something change in
your face when you absorbed the story of the baby lying there in front of you. Your
face changed from a friendly one, to an instinctive, inquisitive and firm one. The
admitting doctor in the room recoiled, letting you take charge with more questions
and orders for the staff. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew I
needed you there. You were at the foot of the bed with your arms crossed,
discussing a differential diagnosis of what could be going on with my husband. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After watching you for what only could have been a minute or
so, I turned back to my child, moaning, writhing, exhausted on the exam bed. Everything
else was drowned out in that moment. I didn’t know if he was hungry but I
wondered, because my breasts were leaking and painful and that is when he would
usually eat. I grabbed his small wrinkled hand but that was no comfort to him.
I had uncontrollable tears as I looked at all the lines and tubes and tape and
fluids going in your little arm. I rubbed my eyes and looked up at his cardiac
monitor. His heart rhythm was changing. And he was dying. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You started shouting out orders for medications to be given
stat. You said loudly that our son was too sick for you to even leave the room.
You wanted him to be in the ICU as soon as possible. My mom told me she got a
chaplain who could help us. I remember timidly asking if we could take a moment
for a prayer because I had this sick feeling in my stomach that it might be our
only chance. Your demeanor changed and I saw you quickly weighing the options. You
chose to give me the moment and even prayed with us. It was absolutely
gut-wrenching to see my child so helpless, to know what was going on as a
doctor myself, and to have a glimpse of that deep visceral soul-crushing
feeling that a parent must have when she loses her child. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thankfully, we didn’t lose him that afternoon. You came just
in time. He might have had minutes or hours left with us if your instinct to
help had not taken over. I remember talking with a specialist later that
evening, while rocking my son in my arms, still attached to lines and a urinary
catheter. She knelt down beside me and told me that my baby’s kidneys were very
damaged and that he will need a kidney transplant. Thankfully because of the
good care that day, he would not need one yet. There wasn’t anything that could
have prevented this, seeing as he was born with a rare congenital urethral
malformation. A small membrane grew where it wasn’t supposed to be while in
utero and hence, caused a lifetime of damage. In doing research later, I
learned this condition could have been much worse, requiring dialysis right
away or needing a transplant immediately. Some kids don’t even make it very
long. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While none of this is what I planned or hoped for my child,
I am so grateful he is still here with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is joyful, beautiful, energetic and smart! He has such vitality and
strength now that I don’t think anyone remembers how ill he once was (except
his parents, of course).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has been
through several surgeries, painful procedures, countless blood draws,
therapies, and doctors appointments…and yet you could never tell by looking at
his toothy smiling face. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you, Dr. C! I am sure you are not told this enough.
You care for many children everyday and you should know that you are a
superhero in our eyes. And so is our son!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguXMRP18n1ecyGm3ZyhtY3CBHDE05YCT137cRNnwD70wTIDjFO_k4qqaBhA_VtoZ8Cyv-M__HfA_U029XdXj4413FnQplfM6D0afIP0yIabFrpdBNjvzGIZqsUHv90mpn1Os4NaqfFpOc/s1600/weiss+(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguXMRP18n1ecyGm3ZyhtY3CBHDE05YCT137cRNnwD70wTIDjFO_k4qqaBhA_VtoZ8Cyv-M__HfA_U029XdXj4413FnQplfM6D0afIP0yIabFrpdBNjvzGIZqsUHv90mpn1Os4NaqfFpOc/s1600/weiss+(1).jpg" height="320" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-89203985386903528492014-12-01T10:49:00.000-08:002014-12-02T13:22:58.796-08:00Pumping at work...caution, some graphic details here<a href="http://www.mumsdays.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/returning-to-work-after-maternity-leave.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.mumsdays.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/returning-to-work-after-maternity-leave.jpg" height="320" width="280" /></a><br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
I discussed in a prior post about how difficult it was being a pregnant resident. So moving along chronologically, we should discuss post-partum life too. It was certainly no walk in the park. Women don't seem real open to talking about the difficulties with post-partum life, the technicalities of nursing and pumping and trying to return to work. How do we juggle babies with any job, much less a professional career? I hope to open up the discussion here.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Since I was in an educational setting, the standard FMLA 12 weeks required unpaid leave wasn't exactly the case. I was a hospital employee but was <i>also</i> undergoing a rigorous educational program at the same time. I did not insist on 12 weeks off, but took 8 weeks and still had to make up some time after graduation. I had a colleague in a similar position who took only 6 weeks off. Maybe it never feels like enough time? I had a mushy mommy brain (it's a real thing, guys) but had to resume work with the same physical/mental/emotional rigor that was standard before my new mommyhood.<br />
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<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4IzBXYx1gv2xxZoJfL8mDWkOh0r9Lz8TM3I0_qIgTXJ6M9nHq0zPMqxrajx4aS78Ktif4YuwXWzxT1CHPK84bCumtqbVO8QCeF0RMlSqpYdvkLoq_tS0WCDzUcUVQrJ8zUb3F6w8F5e_K/s400/mom+braain.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4IzBXYx1gv2xxZoJfL8mDWkOh0r9Lz8TM3I0_qIgTXJ6M9nHq0zPMqxrajx4aS78Ktif4YuwXWzxT1CHPK84bCumtqbVO8QCeF0RMlSqpYdvkLoq_tS0WCDzUcUVQrJ8zUb3F6w8F5e_K/s400/mom+braain.png" height="244" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Mommy brain</div>
<br />
I think here begins my dissolution with medicine. There is no way to have a work-life balance in this state. My wonderful mother moved in with us for 6 months so my husband and I could both finish our difficult residency schedules and she was my daughter's main caretaker. I think I still wanted to be important and vital to my daughter so I chose to breastfeed. But I'm not sure where I found the strength to do this. I wanted to try it and experience that special bond between mom and baby. I didn't want my work to take away <i>everything</i> special about having a baby. Emily was my first child and fortunately I had a lot of support at home. I felt some obligation to try nursing, too, since I was in the medical profession and we always speak about the numerous benefits of breastfeeding to patients.<br />
<br />
In retrospect, I probably should have been nicer to myself and just used formula. But after my maternity leave, I returned to work with the black Medela pumping bag around my shoulder. I was also armed with a ton of disposable breast pads and scribbled notes/encouragement from my lactation consultant in my pocket.<br />
<br />
How do you keep nursing at home when you have a demanding job, over 40 hours per week? I had to pump at work during my 8-12 hour shifts. How do you do that when you have no scheduled breaks and typically feed your child every few hours at home? It just was not possible to take a pumping break every 2-3 hours. So...I remember a lot of pain, leaking, mastitis, and misery. Suffering in silence...while covering my wet scrubs and trying to talk to sick and distraught patients in the ER. I somehow managed to carve out one pumping break per shift. But as you know, the less you pump, the less your milk supply, and you inevitably don't provide enough milk to exclusively breastfeed. Overall, I felt that some breast milk was better than none, and did my best with breastfeeding and pumping for about 6 months.<br />
<br />
There are other details here, like, <b>where</b> do you pump when you get a chance?<br />
How <b>long</b> of a break do you get to pump?<br />
<b>Who covers</b> your work while you are gone?<br />
How do you <b>deal</b> with the stress of it all?<br />
<br />
I ended up finding a small locked room in the ER, officially called the grieving room, where we would tell families about their sick or dead loved ones. Not a great ambiance there, but it was all I had. I would sit on the floor and put the pump on a chair in order to reach an electrical outlet. I had quite the system down for doing things as efficiently as possible and it took 16-18 min or so. Setting out the equipment, applying the various hook-ups, trying to RELAX, pump, wrap up, put away. No one really did my work for me, but I let my (usually male) attending know I was on a pumping break (insert blank, red face, hushed voice reaction here) and would be back ASAP. You can't control who walks in the door of the ER, so sure, I missed some interesting patients and procedures while on break. But it never really bothered me. Did it bother my attendings? I guess I'll never know. And regarding stress, I'm sure I didn't deal with it very well, but I was in a very pressured setting and was literally just taking it a day at a time. It has taken 6 years to get motivated to finally talk about this, so I am probably working through some PTSD!<br />
<br />
I personally and completely understand why some women don't breastfeed. But I was surprised with the statistics here on the CDCs 2014 breastfeeding <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/pdf/2014breastfeedingreportcard.pdf">report card</a>. The majority of women try, but significantly fewer succeed past the 6 month mark. I view this to represent a general desire to breastfeed in many women. But there are a lot of barriers to success. Perhaps a good topic for next time. I am glad I tried and am in awe of my prior self finding the strength to stick with it. But it probably came with a cost-a growing disinterest in medicine because it took me away from my family and good mental health.<br />
<br />
Do you have any embarrassing/good/bad pumping stories?<br />
<br />
Do you remember when you first learned HOW to pump? (My husband and I had to watch a YouTube video, which was absolutely horrifying as a first timer...)<br />
<br />
Thanks for reading!<br />
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Here's the picture I carried in my pump bag way back then:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzs25G6jA49DKJkJZ8A7NU42W0ld5n9pW_PY5CMH_OHNISeyMsArWNU6lDdT5_wZ0coFtQBWAZjoujvnclKfJ5ttVvUReqZDJyGGTtSxW8jtWu5IOjrXMMDUm7Mag2Hirwje86Bb3pvw/s1600/em.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzs25G6jA49DKJkJZ8A7NU42W0ld5n9pW_PY5CMH_OHNISeyMsArWNU6lDdT5_wZ0coFtQBWAZjoujvnclKfJ5ttVvUReqZDJyGGTtSxW8jtWu5IOjrXMMDUm7Mag2Hirwje86Bb3pvw/s1600/em.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-35073210846899411822014-11-25T20:43:00.002-08:002014-11-25T21:23:23.608-08:00A New Thanksgiving<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.boiseweekly.com/imager/b/magnum/3354897/f6a2/thanksgiving-dinner-21.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.boiseweekly.com/imager/b/magnum/3354897/f6a2/thanksgiving-dinner-21.jpg" height="238" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, right.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Are you tired just looking at this picture? I sure am! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Maybe some people really enjoy shopping for, defrosting, prepping, and cooking a turkey all week.....but I am not one of them.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Is turkey even that good of a food? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I suppose once my kids are old enough to enjoy turkey, potatoes and all the fixins that maybe this holiday will be more enjoyable. But right now, they would rather eat chicken nuggets. There's no way their 3 and 5 year old palates will touch any icky sticky mashed or sweet potatoes, or goopy beans with crispy onions. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">They won't even touch pie! So why put in all this effort only to fail? For Thanksgiving, I want some peace and sanity so I am trying something new. Tossing aside the roaster pan! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I decided that this year, we will take a break from the craziness of the big holiday meal. I will try some easy and 'clean' recipes, in reasonable portions, kind of how I do it every day. I'll keep trying to feed the kids new things but am not going to stress over this meal. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">*How do you feel about cooking Thanksgiving dinner?*</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3hD7ttlU6w2Czm8thXRMkED1w6lPGcP_AaBh1tOGEJniQwL2fL7WUznu_hqU6ZJHrBdiTl0UQRbSWdJRMtsND6FbSolCimFnEtW3xTUnkhc2J4GGRiRvnlf0ZpdnjMobY8BbLtijWhLw/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3hD7ttlU6w2Czm8thXRMkED1w6lPGcP_AaBh1tOGEJniQwL2fL7WUznu_hqU6ZJHrBdiTl0UQRbSWdJRMtsND6FbSolCimFnEtW3xTUnkhc2J4GGRiRvnlf0ZpdnjMobY8BbLtijWhLw/s1600/1.jpg" height="256" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Whatever your meal of choice, I hope you have a peaceful and cheerful holiday!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-4880300277726872732014-11-17T10:18:00.000-08:002014-11-30T14:30:03.097-08:00Baby planning<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqfbiPeNd29erj8v6lqnVNV82uJNRWaOGCOEj9sVXTa0D9wB1z92CDlUEGexfwEzdgpoN0V6OdYIG-mECGYmaOQ9XeqzLGV3r1sk0V3LSxrwiBPZ6adZPtTWwCkXpVlHmt6iNSDNx8Low/s1600/IMG_0233.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqfbiPeNd29erj8v6lqnVNV82uJNRWaOGCOEj9sVXTa0D9wB1z92CDlUEGexfwEzdgpoN0V6OdYIG-mECGYmaOQ9XeqzLGV3r1sk0V3LSxrwiBPZ6adZPtTWwCkXpVlHmt6iNSDNx8Low/s320/IMG_0233.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joyful peanut!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
If you can believe it, I had this little peanut during the last year of my residency. Saying it was difficult would be a understatement, for sure.<br />
<br />
I learned I was pregnant while I was working in the surgical intensive care unit (ICU). Obviously I was exhausted but figured it was from the demanding schedule. There was overnight call duty every 3rd-4th night. I was stressed, sick, and not eating much. Definitely <b>not</b> the most ideal conditions to gestate a little human.<br />
<br />
The news was jolting-while something I wanted desperately, I couldn't imagine worse timing for starting a family.<br />
<br />
What got me thinking about this was an article I found floating around Facebook recently, written a few years ago by an anesthesiologist, Dr Karen Sibert. It is titled, "Give yourself a break-Don't have a baby during residency."<br />
<br />
The link is <a href="http://apennedpoint.com/give-yourself-a-break-dont-have-a-baby-during-residency/">HERE</a><br />
<br />
While Dr Sibert did not have a child during residency, she did have one before and after. She witnessed other residents go through this process and noted the difficulties as an onlooker. Her article has been controversial because of its judgmental tone towards women residents. It really hit a sensitive spot for me (and others) because we each have the right to decide when having babies is best for our own families. Having one in residency is extremely difficult as you will see in my personal experience. BUT it was my choice.<br />
<br />
But Dr Siebert touches on some ways that having a baby during residency affects the mom's professional career. Having a new baby is tiring and distracting from your career. You are 'looked down on' by others and certainly by the others that have to cover you while you are gone. Your board scores are likely lower. Your chance of getting a top job is jeopardized because you have 'other priorities.'<br />
<br />
There are more personal ways that the baby process affected me. I basically had to pretend I wasn't pregnant in order to get through those following 8 months. <i> I got really good at pretending I was ok. </i><br />
<br />
It was very hard to ignore a pregnancy. There was no time to be tired or rest. No time to eat or take a bathroom break. No time to take care of my worsening back pain. No time to sit down during a long procedure or while leading a code or caring for many sick patients. I had to pretend I was fine because if I didn't, it would make a lot more work for the others around me. And those others were not going to jump in and help easily. Admittedly, they had a lot on their plate too. There was always plenty of work to do in the ER.<br />
<i><br /></i>
Can you believe I only had ONE attending tell me, during the entire 8 months, to take a lunch break and rest? Once I even had a combative patient kick me in the abdomen when I was 6 months along, and no one took any notice. I felt invisible and just kept trucking along. I had to make it to Dec 1st, where I could shift gears and do an 'easy' elective rotation which involved a lot of sitting. No codes, no trauma, no night shifts. I was very worried that I wouldn't make it since shift workers are known to have higher rates of miscarriage and preterm delivery. (Nice summary of shift work effects: <a href="http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/excessive-sleepiness-10/shift-work?page=2">LINK</a>)<br />
<br />
Somehow I made it to Dec 1st. I cried a lot with relief (and hormones), put my stethoscope away, and started putting the nursery together. But in a BIG twist, I was forced into working an extra shift in the ER during the first week of my elective. Mentally, I was completely devastated even though it was just one more shift. So I pulled my stethoscope back out and worked an awful shift on Dec 3rd. I think I was visibly steaming the entire time.<br />
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<a href="http://b.vimeocdn.com/ts/944/917/9449175_640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://b.vimeocdn.com/ts/944/917/9449175_640.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Later that evening, during a classic midwestern snowstorm, I was in bed eating cookie dough ice cream. (Hey, I deserved it!!) And then they started.....those darn contractions. It was the real deal! I texted my husband to come home (because he was working overnight in the hospital) and we rushed to the hospital. I still remember the bumpy, slick, frigid ride in the snow like it was yesterday.<br />
<br />
I am so thankful that my daughter was born healthy and happy. And technically, just made it past the premature period. She is an amazing kid and about to celebrate her 6th birthday. I think the timing of her arrival was extremely difficult but having her in my life was, and is, such a joy. Her presence in our family changed my job opportunities, like Dr Siebert gets at in her article.<br />
<br />
More on that later! What was your pregnancy experience? Did you feel like you had to hide your 'disability' because of your job, professional or not?Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-3809952895360772192014-11-07T09:25:00.002-08:002014-11-17T12:21:57.594-08:00What is Residency like?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Have you
wondered what going through a medical residency training program is like? You
have probably seen episodes of "Grey's Anatomy" and wondered how much of it is
true. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> First of all, residency
is not sexy or fun! There are no McDreamys (although some thought they were).
There are no romps in the call rooms (you are too tired and the rooms are
gross). Hopefully there are no cases of syphillis among the staff. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I did a 3-year emergency medicine residency and it was anything but glamorous. There was the occasional complicated trauma patient like you might see on the show. An open leg fracture with bone sticking out. An eyeball sticking out of its socket. Eviscerated guts spilling onto your shoe. Severed digits. Lots of dramatic, warm oozy blood. <i>But mostly in the ER, your shift is filled with seeing patients in various amounts of pain, with various amounts of authenticity, and various levels of sobriety.</i> Your job is to triage who really needs the ER services and who can go home, which is way more complicated than it sounds sometimes.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Grey's Anatomy" DOES have it right about a few things. Like the show, residency is full of drama, overbearing
attendings, plenty of competition, interpersonal struggles, difficult patients, sleepless
nights, and impossible board exams. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Somehow through all the layers of pain and
drama, a medical education emerges. After years of running on the gerbil wheel, you are then ejected out of the cage and become an attending physician with all the answers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Honestly,
I didn't realize how unhappy I was until it was all over. There wasn't a lot of
time to dwell on being unhappy. If you stop to
think about how in-over-your-head you are, you drown. So I just kept treading
water. My husband, and then-resident himself, helped me stay focused and get through it. (Thanks, honey!) You have to put in your time during residency in order to actually practice medicine and make
a living. I know it was harder for residents who didn't have an understanding partner at home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So even though I went through an actual medical residency, I don't mind watching the ridiculousness of "Grey's." The only semi-Grey's moment I had was when my hubby and I were on call overnight together at the children's hospital. The other residents thought this was SO funny that they decorated my husband's call room with rose petals, soft music and apple juice (champagne). Ironic thing is, neither of us even saw the room because we were so busy taking care of patients all night!! Ah, the memories...</span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-88603129507001736622014-11-06T13:20:00.003-08:002014-11-17T12:22:17.742-08:00Blogger's Cold FeetThe most interesting thing happened once I set up my blog...<br />
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I didn't look at it for a few weeks! It was like I had cold feet. Maybe I am subconsciously scared to put my writing out there for people to view and criticize. It's actually a really hard thing to put yourself out there on such a potentially massive platform. I think it's more scary to be ignored once putting yourself out there. Well, I think I am finally ready to take the plunge...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIj6tCa0DGAI8whxZanjipzX0XV_fK5yZlN0HFhI-PBkxv7hVucaW9EI8oNLgcn4wrdD3X0jx6LfcniokJBCadaAzWl_P9YQ0x1RGBoJ6AWvFO_WixHVOJ-PCKKTLwl6ReMss4GlsSSis/s1600/DSCN0214.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIj6tCa0DGAI8whxZanjipzX0XV_fK5yZlN0HFhI-PBkxv7hVucaW9EI8oNLgcn4wrdD3X0jx6LfcniokJBCadaAzWl_P9YQ0x1RGBoJ6AWvFO_WixHVOJ-PCKKTLwl6ReMss4GlsSSis/s1600/DSCN0214.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's me!</td></tr>
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Hmmmm...maybe in a few days!Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7308707132104200403.post-4557278815448407412014-10-17T20:19:00.002-07:002014-11-18T09:20:00.742-08:00Greetings!Hello blogosphere! I have wanted to blog for a long time and am finally here. :)<br />
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A little about me:<br />
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I am currently a stay-at-home mom, with a twist. I'm am an emergency room doctor who decided to escape the chaos of the ER and exchange it for the chaos of home life. Which is easier, you might ask?<br />
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I don't know that I can fully (or succinctly) answer that here. There are major, but different, challenges in each setting.<br />
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I anticipate some questions at this point, like, why did you quit your job? Are you going back into medicine? How can you waste your training? Aren't you bored at home?<br />
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Well I will get to all those questions and more! With this blog, I want to talk about things near to my heart. Major topics about medicine, parenting, education, family, and life. :) I have shared the struggles of working moms and stay-at-home moms and doctor moms and want to hear from YOU.<br />
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Thanks for reading! More soon...Annhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00056255153437531775noreply@blogger.com0